Hi Helpful Mom,
You’re a wise mom. I’d also suggest that your daughter give Textbook Boy some direction following the rejection. If she wants a friendship, she can make it clear that she wants to be friends, but not his girlfriend. If she wants to focus on her academics, she can make it clear that she’s focused on learning, not loving. If she doesn’t want to focus on herself, she should make it clear that she’s flying solo. If this guy isn’t good at handling her rejection (or redirection), suggest that she blame her lack of interest on something unrelated to him, which can soften the impact (not all boys can handle rejection). One last thing – she can also direct him to the bookstore. Maybe he’s not as interested in her as she thinks – he might just want her for her textbooks (they’re expensive).

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NAKED video

Dear Invisible Woman,
You’re so beautiful (I always knew it). The problem with being noticed is that you now have to deal with other people’s feelings and reactions. This can be very uncomfortable. But, if you work to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, you can do no wrong. Here’s how you do it: (1) Give yourself permission to be new at this. Don’t pretend to be a pro. (2) When you’re feeling uncomfortable, express it. Don’t hide it or run from it. (3) Give these guys permission to like you, and to NOT like you. Thousands of men will love you, and thousands will not (this is the Universal Rejection Truth). Once you give people permission to NOT like you, you have the power to be honest and set limits. It also gives you the power to demand and command respect. NOTE: If you’re approached by someone and you sense that the person can’t handle the truth, blame your lack of interest on something unrelated to that person (like your studies or lack of time or personal issues). If you do go out with someone and you’re ever unsure of that a guy’s intentions or actions, express this to him. By getting comfortable with them being uncomfortable, you free yourself to focus on what you want. Life isn’t all about being wanted; it’s about getting to know yourself and figuring out what YOU want in a relationship.

Dear Harlan,
I have been in college only a few weeks, and I can tell already that this is not where I want to spend the next four years of my life. There’s nothing wrong with the college: It’s beautiful, the people are nice and friendly, the classes are interesting and not too difficult. However, it just doesn’t feel right. I am thinking about transferring at the end of the year, or possibly the end of the semester. Herein lies the problem: I want to transfer to a community college near my home. I think a lot of people would see this as a huge step backward, going from a fairly selective, private liberal-arts college to a community college. I feel I should tell you, however, I wouldn’t be going into this without a plan. I want to study business and entrepreneurship so that I can learn how to start my own business. Do I go with my instinct and take a step backward for a possibly more fulfilling future, or should I stick with the more accepted path by going to a private college?

Dear A Little Lost,
Give it a full year to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Stick it out a full year AND follow your instincts. Most transitions (college included) are naturally uncomfortable. Transitions can be lonely at times and hard at times. But that’s normal. Take classes that interest you. Get involved in clubs and organizations for entrepreneurs (leadership programs would be perfect). Find five mentors on campus you can talk to in five different areas of campus life (professors, student leaders, counselors, etc). Make this a ME year (not me, I mean you). Stick it out a year, and one of two things will happen – you’ll either love it or hate it. Either way, you’ll leave having learned more about yourself than you could have ever learned in a classroom. And you’ll leave confident enough in your decision to tune out those who don’t agree with your choices.