NAKED daily – February 22, 2010

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The Nakedness is BACK!
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NAKED advice


ROOMMATE’S BEDTIME RITUAL IS NOT OK

Dear Harlan,
My roommate has a masturbation problem. He does this every night before bed. We share a room and I hear it. What should I do?

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

Could it be that your roommate is actually doing some kind of abdominal exercise in his bed that sounds like masturbation and you’re confused? No? Not likely? OK, just trying to make this situation less disturbing for everyone. There are two big problems here: The first is that he thinks it’s OK to touch himself while you are in the room. It’s not – it’s very not OK. The second is that you haven’t said anything to this guy. How could you have not said anything sooner? Now, he might think your silence means that you’re cool with this. If you want to fix this, it will take talking to him. When you have this friendly conversation, make sure it’s not before bedtime or during the act. That would be awkward. So, pick a time during the day and have a chat. Start off by apologizing for not saying something sooner. The apology is more about disarming him than seeking forgiveness. Then mention that you’re not sure what’s happening in his bed before he goes to sleep, but you hear things and you’d like him to please keep it quiet when you’re in the room. Then, see what happens next. I have a strong feeling that his “abdominal workout” will continue. Anyone doing this every single night with someone else in the room might have a habit (or addiction) that’s hard to break. If he can’t stop his late-night workouts, run for the door (and use your shirt or a towel to open the door).



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NAKED MINUTE – Masturbating Roommate

Masturbating Roommate

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NAKED ADVICE (via Help Me, Harlan!)

Forget Brands — Look For A College That Fits

Dear Harlan,
I am halfway through my first semester as a high-school junior. Every day now, I am asked the same question over and over again: “What college do you want to go to?” I just tell people that I want to go to Indiana University or Purdue, but I honestly have no idea. I feel that none of the sources I go to for guidance are any help, especially my parents, who do not seem to understand how difficult it is for me to fit in socially or jump into new social situations. Any advice?

Searching

Dear Searching,

It depends on the basketball program. Purdue’s basketball program has been much stronger than IUs (and yes, this hurts to say, being an IU grad). But IU will turn it around in the next four years (I hope). Putting basketball aside, start this search all over again. Forget labels, familiar names or where other people are going. Identify three specific activities or interests that will help you find your place (one social, one academic, one spiritual). Then use the results as the leading criteria for your search. Consider schools of all sizes with all basketball records. Ask the pros to help guide you. Check out http://www.cappex.com (it’s a site where colleges will find you based on your wants and needs). As you go through your search, feel free to reach out to me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/HarlanCohen). I’ll be happy to introduce you to any of my friends on campuses that interest you. Start fresh and enjoy the search. Your place is waiting for you.

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NAKED daily – October 26, 2009

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Mom Helps Daughter Fend Off College Men

 

Hi Harlan,
I’m looking for advice on what else to tell my daughter. She is in her first year of college. The first day in class, she shared textbooks with a young man, who has since decided to pursue her. My daughter isn’t used to this sort of attention and has been dodging him, though it is difficult since he is in three of her classes. When she asked me for advice, I suggested she be straight with him and say something like “Look, I get the feeling that you are hoping a relationship will develop here, but it won’t, and you are making me uncomfortable with all of this attention.” Is there more I should be saying?

Helpful Mom

Hi Helpful Mom,
You’re a wise mom. I’d also suggest that your daughter give Textbook Boy some direction following the rejection. If she wants a friendship, she can make it clear that she wants to be friends, but not his girlfriend. If she wants to focus on her academics, she can make it clear that she’s focused on learning, not loving. If she doesn’t want to focus on herself, she should make it clear that she’s flying solo. If this guy isn’t good at handling her rejection (or redirection), suggest that she blame her lack of interest on something unrelated to him, which can soften the impact (not all boys can handle rejection). One last thing – she can also direct him to the bookstore. Maybe he’s not as interested in her as she thinks – he might just want her for her textbooks (they’re expensive).

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NAKED video

Colleges Convene for Annual Harry Potter
Quidditch Competition

quidditch3

quidditch2

spoiler: see results of ’09 competition here

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NAKED daily – October 22/23, 2009

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Once-Invisible Coed Can’t Handle Heat Of Being Hot

Dear Harlan,

All through high school, I was completely invisible. Now I am living on campus two hours from home. Suddenly, I’ve been getting random guys sitting down next to me or stopping me on the sidewalk, introducing themselves and asking for my phone number. I’ve never been on a date before, so I’m not even sure if this is what they are aiming for. It’s really starting to freak me out. What do I say to these people?
- The Invisible Woman

Dear Invisible Woman,
You’re so beautiful (I always knew it). The problem with being noticed is that you now have to deal with other people’s feelings and reactions. This can be very uncomfortable. But, if you work to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, you can do no wrong. Here’s how you do it: (1) Give yourself permission to be new at this. Don’t pretend to be a pro. (2) When you’re feeling uncomfortable, express it. Don’t hide it or run from it. (3) Give these guys permission to like you, and to NOT like you. Thousands of men will love you, and thousands will not (this is the Universal Rejection Truth). Once you give people permission to NOT like you, you have the power to be honest and set limits. It also gives you the power to demand and command respect. NOTE: If you’re approached by someone and you sense that the person can’t handle the truth, blame your lack of interest on something unrelated to that person (like your studies or lack of time or personal issues). If you do go out with someone and you’re ever unsure of that a guy’s intentions or actions, express this to him. By getting comfortable with them being uncomfortable, you free yourself to focus on what you want. Life isn’t all about being wanted; it’s about getting to know yourself and figuring out what YOU want in a relationship.

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NAKED video

U2 on YouTube LIVE Sunday Night 10/25

U2
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NAKED daily – October 21, 2009

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NAKED advice

LONG-DISTANCE COUPLE FEELS TOO POOR TO BE A COUPLE

Dear Harlan,

I met my fiance online about three years ago. I’m 24 and he’s 29. I live in the Midwest, and he lives in the West Midlands in the United Kingdom. We’ve arranged a few meetings over here, and I’ve even gone over there to live with him for about six months. He’s going to move over here at some point, and we’re going to get married. The problem is that neither of us have a lot of money. I’m a poor college student, struggling to finish my B.A. and work at the same time, and he can’t seem to find a decent job over there due to the economy; he’s currently working part-time and is going to start training for a job at a nursing home early next year. He’s just barely making enough to get by, not for want of trying. We want to be together so badly, but it just seems like it’s not in the cards for us. I’m worried that we’re going to somehow drag this relationship out another three years and then find out that it’s never going to be possible to be together. What do you do when you want to be with someone, but it’s just not financially possible?

- Frustrated About Money

Dear Frustrated,

Something is making you worry. People who want to be together can plan to make it work no matter what. If you can’t come up with a plan, plan on this not working. It’s not that hard to plan. One plan: Finish your degree, get a job and make enough money to take care of yourself, a cat and a man. Share this plan with him. If he’s reluctant, and he can’t come up with another plan, there’s a fundamental problem here – admit it. Maybe he has a girlfriend, is married or doesn’t want to be together. If this is the man you want to be with forever and possibly have children with, you need to have a plan.

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NAKED MINUTE – Secret Girlfriend

Naked secret Girlfriend
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NAKED daily – October 20, 2009

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NAKED advice


BEST FRIEND IN BAD RELATIONSHIP NEEDS GOOD FRIENDS

Dear Harlan,
I have been a best friend with a girl for over a year now (I am a guy). No matter what, we were always there for each other. About six months ago, she started dating a guy of questionable integrity. He has serious problems. He constantly takes her cell phone to text her friends and sends them angry, threatening messages, becomes insanely jealous when other males are around and has been known to throw a temper tantrum if he can’t get his way. Her family and her friends have told her she is in a very unhealthy relationship. Every day, it seems she gets more and more attached to him. She has already pushed me away, even though we used to be like brother and sister. I see her pushing everyone away for this one guy, and I am afraid she will end up very lonely if they break up. Help me figure out a way to help this person close the rift she has opened between her friends and family.

- SMA in Ohio

Dear SMA in Ohio,
He’s a bad dude. No question about it. One day, she will see that he’s a big loser, and she will need you. So, be there for her. Ask her friends to be there for her. Tell her you will always be there for her. If she tries to push you away, let her, but first explain to her that you understand that her boyfriend doesn’t like her having guy friends because he’s insecure and jealous, but you will always be there for her when she needs a friend. Stay close to her parents. Stay connected and never let her forget that you are there for her. If you’re always there, then she will never be alone. And that’s the greatest gift you can give her.

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NAKED video

Saw this guy pass by me at the airport today. When
I logged on Facebook, someone shared this. Weird…


nick v
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NAKED daily – October 19, 2009

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NAKED advice


Undergrad Needs Time To Get Comfortable With The Uncomfortable

Dear Harlan,
I have been in college only a few weeks, and I can tell already that this is not where I want to spend the next four years of my life. There’s nothing wrong with the college: It’s beautiful, the people are nice and friendly, the classes are interesting and not too difficult. However, it just doesn’t feel right. I am thinking about transferring at the end of the year, or possibly the end of the semester. Herein lies the problem: I want to transfer to a community college near my home. I think a lot of people would see this as a huge step backward, going from a fairly selective, private liberal-arts college to a community college. I feel I should tell you, however, I wouldn’t be going into this without a plan. I want to study business and entrepreneurship so that I can learn how to start my own business. Do I go with my instinct and take a step backward for a possibly more fulfilling future, or should I stick with the more accepted path by going to a private college?

- A Little Lost


Dear A Little Lost,
Give it a full year to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Stick it out a full year AND follow your instincts. Most transitions (college included) are naturally uncomfortable. Transitions can be lonely at times and hard at times. But that’s normal. Take classes that interest you. Get involved in clubs and organizations for entrepreneurs (leadership programs would be perfect). Find five mentors on campus you can talk to in five different areas of campus life (professors, student leaders, counselors, etc). Make this a ME year (not me, I mean you). Stick it out a year, and one of two things will happen – you’ll either love it or hate it. Either way, you’ll leave having learned more about yourself than you could have ever learned in a classroom. And you’ll leave confident enough in your decision to tune out those who don’t agree with your choices.

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NAKED MINUTETerrible Kisser

Naked kissing
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